I am terrified of Netti Pots....and this is why....
I remember the moment like it was yesterday. I stood at the kitchen counter in a pair of grey drawstring pajama pants and a canary yellow tank top, clumsily pealing plastic cellophane off of a laminated turquoise box. Carefully, I examined the the front cover while, "Blistered in the Sun," by Violent Femms drummed in the background. In one hand I clutched a crumpled up tissue while the other hand manipulated the box open.
As I rhythmically shook my bottom to the music (yes rhymically), I saw Matt coming into the kitchen.
He started tapping on the counter to the music and moving his head to the beat, as he exclaimed how desperate I must be to try out the Netti Pot. He was right. At this point I was desperate. My nose was plugged on one side and the other was producing copious amounts of snot. My poor nose was strawberry red and irritated from blowing. I was about to try anything for a bit of relief.
After what seemed like forever, I managed to peel off the thin, but mighty cellophane from the box and with a "Tada" I held the Netti Pot up high for all to see. Well for me and Matt anyhow. It looked harmless and reminded me of an Egyptian Tea Pot. Not that I have ever seen an Egyptian Tea Pot. I don't even know if that is a real thing, but if it is I have to imagine that the Netti Pot does infact resemble one. At this point, I decided heck if it doesn't work for a snot reliever I will use it as a tiny little tea pot to make tiny amounts of tea in.
I tell this to Matt and he tells me I am nasty. He then confirms the fact that it is nasty to turn your Netti Pot into a tea pot with our beautiful yellow lab, Libby.
I began filling the Netti Pot with seaming hot water and confidently explained to Matt that the steam simply loosens the boogers so you can blow them out. This is when Matt looses interest, bids me good luck and leaves the room.
Once the Netti Pot was filled with steaming hot water I positioned the long thin nozzle part up to my nose and tried to pull air and steam into my plugged nostril. Nothing happened and I said so to Libby, who was lazily wagging her tail and watching me with interest.
Not to be discouraged I repositioned the Netti Post and firmly but gently stuck the nozzle into my nostril. This time, I decided to hold the other nostril closed to create a seal. As I did this....BOILING HOT WATER ESCAPED FROM THE NETTI POT AND INTO MY NOSTRIL! I screamed! I screamed, "Holy Hell!" I screamed, as I sprayed molten lava snot from my nose on to the kitchen counter, where it dripped to the floor. I slid to the kitchen sink and began to splash cool water on my face.
At this point Matt joined me, since he heard me exclaim and then begin to sputter. I was gagging and sputtering and the inner layer of my nostril had began to swell. I was pretty sure I had done permanent damage and the look on Matt's face confirmed my suspicion. As we examined my injuries Libby's big pink tongue quickly lapped up all my boogies and hot water off the floor, gross yes. Helpful, yes.
I decided to go in the bathroom for a better look and Matt decided to read the directions on the box. He called to me as I was tenderly applying honey balm to my even redder then I started with nose. He informs me that you are to fill the pot with tepid water and salt...not steaming hot water. And you are to lean your head to the side and pour the tepid water in through one nostril and out the other. Really, who has that kind of skill. He smiled as he held up the box and pointed at the step by step instructions complete with pictures. The actual directions frightened me. Pouring water into your nose sounds like a good way to have an accidental drowning!
And so in the end I never attempted to use the Netti Pot correctly, nor did I use it as a tiny tea pot. I sold the sucker on Ebay for more then I originally purchased it for.
A wise investment ;)
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